Every year, Mother’s Day reminds us to pause and reflect on the love of a mother or a mother figure. We are brought to a place of remembrance where our hearts and minds call on the profundity of the mothers’ undeniably special role in our lives. Over the years, we have collected stories from mothers, daughters (some of whom lost their beloved mothers), granddaughters, and mothers who have experienced the loss of their own children. Each and every story, is immensely different. Yet, each and every story, reminds us of why it is so important to talk about what matters most. This Mother’s Day, if you have a mom or mom-like figure in your life, “How do you want to live your life through the very end? What matters most to you?”

• Caregiving Conversations: If Not Now, When?
  • Vanessa Steil says that since she was her grandmother’s longtime caregiver, “I thought I knew everything about her.” Over time, she found that there were more conversations she wished she could have had about what was most important to her grandmother.
• Anticipatory grief: Giving a name to the feeling
  • Patricia Montoya talks about the feeling of grieving for her mother, and for her brother, while they were still present. She shares what she has learned about asking for help, taking time to heal, and doing the best you can.
• 5 Ways to Show Appreciation for a Caregiver
  • Andrea Gibbs became a caregiver for her mother, who had Alzheimer’s disease. She talks about her experience and offers suggestions for ways to care for caregivers.
• 4 Steps that Helped Me Start the Conversation
  
  • Christine Osterwalder used a few tools to help her prepare to have conversations about what matters to her in her health care. Then, she sat down with each of her adult children to start talking.
• Things I Wish my Mother Said
  • Carolyn Eggert Schultz reflects on the importance of conversations. Sharing from the heart of experience with her own mother, Carolyn reflects how these conversations don’t come naturally as her parents never engaged in deep conversations, and her desire to change that norm with her children and husband.
• Mashed potatoes, Mozart, and McDonald’s: A health care provider’s tips for caregivers
  • What are some ways that people can support those they care about through illness and dementia, including from a distance? A health care provider offers stories and advice about the importance of sharing seemingly simple information.
• Make Today the Day
  • Cheryl Stone writes that when mother had a stroke, her family had to make difficult decisions. Despite barriers to communication, they learned what her mother wanted and advocated for her needs.
• Hands of Love
  • Emily Ziegler’s father died while she was in college. As she grieved for him, she also became the main caregiver for her mother, taking on medical and logistical tasks as well as “simply just being there.”
• The Nana I Knew
  • Allison Royal writes about the bond she shared with her Nana. She shares their routines as she took on more caretaking tasks and some of the ways she was able to answer questions and provide comfort.
• Preparing for a Happier Ending: How laughter helped one mother create meaningful memories with her dying daughter
  • In a culture which tends to deny that death is a natural part of life, the importance of candid communication about our final stages of life hit home personally when Lynn Sherwood’s daughter was diagnosed with, and died from, extensive lung cancer – at just 25 years old. By planning for death while living her best life, Lynn’s daughter, Lauren, designed her dying so she could get more of what she wanted before she died, and, in turn, helped remove the burdens of decision-making and regrets for her family.
• Embracing Fear and Grief: A Death Midwife Navigates End-of-Life Planning with Her Mom
  • Naila Francis explores her personal experience of having end-of-life conversations with her mother and how these conversations are drenched in love, undergirded with anticipatory grief and relief. Her piece reminds us that though it is daunting to have these conversations, they provide so much clarity.
• A Gift From My Mom, The Conversation Queen
  • In this moving piece by The Conversation Project’s Patty Webster, she recounts her dear mother and expresses the deep gratitude she has for the conversations her mother had with her about her wishes for care. Through her story, Patty reminds us that life is about living and dying well.
• Dear Loved Ones: Listen to Your Mother
  • To ensure that her family honors her wishes for care, Micki Jackson wrote them a letter reminding them of what matters most to her and she reminds that they should always listen to their mother.
• Don’t Panic-It’s OK
  • Even when people express their end-of-life care wishes, honoring their choices can be challenging or impractical. Dr. Karen Boudreau’s family knows this from experience. She wrote this letter to her loved ones to offer guidance in case they ever need to make difficult decisions at the end of her life. The Conversation Project has shared this letter with many people who have been inspired by its compassion to have “the conversation” with their own families. Read or listen to her letter.
• My Qualms with My Mother’s Mortality: A Millennial’s Perspective of COVID-19
  • COVID-19 has made millennials come to terms with the fragility of their parents and grandparents. In this touching blog piece, The Conversation Project’s Naomi Fedna talks about grappling with her mother’s mortality in light of the era of COVID-19.
• Ahead of All Parting
  • Elizabeth Johnson shares her story about how her experience with loss taught her how birth, life and death stand in intimate proximity to one another. This piece tugs on our hearts’ strings and shines a light on the brevity of life.

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