Fighting
Do you remember all the fights we had?
What were they even about?
“Eat your dinner!”
“Go to bed!”
“Stop screaming!”
What would you give to have those petty fights again?
Now they feed her dinner through a tube.
She’s always in this hospital bed.
And oh! If only she had the energy to scream again!
They say we’re fighting, but it looks like we’re losing.
We used to have the whole world
And we sent her to her room.
Now our whole world
Is this sterile room.
What did we do with her when we had her?
Not much.
We mostly fought.
Crying
I can’t speak.
I don’t want to.
Words choke in my throat.
I can’t believe we’ll lose her.
I can’t even harbor the thought.
Too few short years ago
She came into our lives,
Too few short days from now
She will no longer be alive.
Don’t.
Don’t speak to me.
Don’t talk.
I just
Can’t.
Talking
Making plans
For that day
Asking what she wants.
It still is hard,
But now I see
It brings her comfort,
(And also me.)
I never thought we’d laugh so much,
I never thought we’d cry
Without it feeling so painful,
The crying just feels right.
She’s still so young
But so grown up
My girl’s become a woman.
She’s brave, she’s strong,
Much more than me,
That much goes without saying.
I gave her a chance
To say what she needed.
I listened to her words.
I cared enough
About her life
To talk about her death.
“I cared enough
About her life
To talk about her death.”
That says it all, for me. I have to be brave to show that I care enough to have the conversation.