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This is my Soulmate

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The Love of my Life

By Betsy
Posted on

I had the conversation with my spouse.

My husband and I had been married for many years before be passed and he had celebrated his 67th birthday ten days before he passed away.He was full of life and energy. He just loved life.
He was a painter and a paper hanger. Watching him work was like watching picasso. We were both in the business, we worked together everyday and never argued about work. He was a family man, a father, a brother, an uncle, a cousin and a grandfather. He was a very likeable man who touched lives and had an impact on others.
In 2007 he became ill. He was diagnosed with kidney failure. After hearing that news from his Doctor, I knew this was going to shatter his world and that he would give up, because he was a proud man. Anyway, one day we started talking about what if’s. The first what if was, if I ever ends up on life support, do not leave me there. I was listening and paying attention. I also echoed my same feelings to him.
Our daughter just happened to be home with us and over heard the conversation, so while she was there, I put our wishes in writing and had the three of us sign it never thinking that one day I would execute his wishes. He was on dialysis over the next several years. At the time he was first diagnosed with kidney failure, I was trying to further my education, but I had to make a choice to either continue with school or take care of my husband. Well that was a no brainer, so my daughter moved back home and we started on our journey of taking care of him so he wouldn’t think so much about being on a machine three times a week.
He and I would engage in conversations about life and death occasionally, because I don’t think that he was as afraid as he was in the beginning, and he had full family support from all of his family.A few months before he died he asked me when I go to church,what church did I go to, and I told him different churches in the area. My husband was not a deeply religious man, but he knew that I had a relationship with God. I believe he was asking me indirectly to take him to church,but I did not pick up the signs. He did confess one day that he was tired of getting stuck and having hisn whole world consist of just going to dialysis. Anyway on January 15th, on our daughter’s birthday he was following his usual routine being at dialysis and I got a call from his technician and said that he saw something funny in his chart and I went to get him and take him to the hospital. He ended staying all night,nothing definitive was resolved,so he asked me to take him home. He had two knee replacements over a period of one year and a half, and was just starting physical therapy the day he was released from,the hospital. Anyway we got home and was calling the physical therapy clinic to tell them he couldn’t make it today. Out of the corner of my eyeI saw him go down to the floor but we were on our way out anyway so I thought he had fallen down. I ran over to him trying to hold him up and calling 911 at the same time.
I knew in my heart that he had died at that moment in my presence but the EMT’s came and they worked on him for 45 mins with no response. They took him back to the hospital and I followed in my car yelling at God,please don’t take him right now,not today.
When I arrived at the hospital,the Doctor said that all of his valves were clogged,but he managed to open one up allow some blood to flow through.God did hear my cry. The Doctor said that they did not specialize in heart conditions and they would have to transfer him to a different hospital. When we got to the next hospital, the cardiologists told me and my family that his kidneys shut down, he was brain dead and his body was shutting down and he was on life support.The Doctor asked me what did I want to do, to think about it and he would return for my answer. Before he reached the door,I explained to him that my husband and I had already had this conversation and I knew exactly what his wishes were. I asked the Doctor to keep him comfortable so that I could call his family and friends to say goodbye to him. So for the next 24 hours,there was a steady stream of friends and family to say good bye. During this time,my daughter had a seizure because of the stress that we were going through and the fact that all this had happened on her birthday. I have a wonderful family.My family was with me the whole time,and I felt really loved and I knew that they loved him. So the next evening I asked the Doctor to take him off life support and I watched his face relax. Being on life support is not dignified for anybody. They shove a machine in your face and there are tubes everywhere,and the noise from the machine is even worse. As I stated before, after taking him off life supoort, his face relaxed and a tear came out of his eyes and I kissed him and held him and made sure that he was given his last rites.I could tell that he knew that we were all there in the end. He knew I was religious and he left that part to me. There was no struggle,he went peacefully surrounded by everyone that loved him and was touched by his life. I couldn’t even be sad at the funeral. A steady stream of people and the majority of them were young people got up and gave such glowinjg testimonies of how he touched their lives and the common thread was, that he took them fishing at some point in their lives. They ranged in ages 6 years old to 60 years old. I could not cry or be sad,because at that moment I knew my husband was not only in good hands, but he lived a good life doing what he liked to do ,loving his family and friends.
I wanted to share this story because,I was not sad but happy at the end of hislife, because I was able to say goodbye to him while his spirit was still with us and carry out his last wishes .I hope after reading this story, you will smile but also make sure you are listening to your loved ones. They have something to tell you.

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