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The Conversation

By Joyce
Posted on

I had the conversation with my parent.

Sometimes it's not just about the one dying and sometimes we have to be flexible in these decisions. It's not necessarily what you thought it was going to be and when it comes down to that decision, it can be very hard to make.

I wanted to pass along a couple of thoughts. Maybe you have considered this, maybe not. Many years ago my excellent lawyer pressed my husband and I to do a very specific health care directive. It made you think about feeding tubes, antibiotics, etc. We still have it and thankfully, in signing it, got me to have this conversation with my mom. However, she thought she knew what she and my father wanted. Which is my point. These end of life decisions can change at the end of life. Being a catholic, she said yes to a feeding tube for my father. After he passed, she said don’t ever do that to me. My father wanted to die at home but never made it out of the hospital. My mom thought she would have liked to have done that for him till after he passed. She said she was glad she wouldn’t have to have those memories of him like he was in the end at home. Which is another point. Just because my father wanted it, was that what was best for my mother?

Sometimes it’s not just about the one dying and sometimes we have to be flexible in these decisions. It’s not necessarily what you thought it was going to be and when it comes down to that decision, it can be very hard to make. I had to say no to a feeding tube for my mother and it felt like I was choosing to kill her. Thankfully I had her do our health care directive and had siblings for support.

The conversation is great, but get it in writing so no one can fight it. Thanks for listening,

 

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