As a hospice nurse and counselor, knowing the cruel reality of carrying out her wishes under certain conditions, I have been frustrated to say the least. She had always been difficult for me to talk with, as she sees her way as always the right way.... why should this conversation be any different!
For years, I have been trying to talk with both of my parents about end of life and their wishes. My mother always abruptly stopped the discussion and informed me “she wants everything possible to keep her alive in the future – end of story.” As a hospice nurse and counselor, knowing the cruel reality of carrying out her wishes under certain conditions, I have been frustrated to say the least. She had always been difficult for me to talk with, as she sees her way as always the right way…. why should this conversation be any different!
Dad has Alzheimer’s. Prior to the start of his decline, he always expressed with family, his desire to never be institutionalized if he lost his ability to think clearly and live well. He watched his mother decline in a nursing home with the same illness. Unfortunately, as hard as we tried to avoid this, the family was left with little choice but to put him into a facility close by following a fast and furious decline in his condition. As a family, we are still wrestling with this and trying to work with many mixed emotions.
Through this process, however, mom has begun to question life in a way that is new to her. She is beginning to see the nuances that one faces as the quality of life changes. Our conversations are softer now and she listens in a new way. I am hopeful.
