My husband was 37 years and did not get to live half of his life and it took my by surprise that he was so sick after during 3 tours of Vietnam and 10 years later died from a disease he contracted there. I mourned through the use of drugs and one day I cried and prayed and never had drugs anymore. I would like my children to know what I would like but no one wants to talk about it I tried but my wishes are not heard. I have no doubt that they would prolong my life if I could not take care of myself this make me want to go away and die alone.

I have wonderful children and grandchildren who I think will not have time for me. I write poetry and is about to get a associate degree in Business Administration  I would like someone to read this poem I wrote at my ending and let others hear my words this is the poem I wrote that is called If Tomorrow Starts Without Me.

I have three children two girls and one boy, 2 granddaughter, 10 grandsons and one to be great granddaughter to be born in February, 2013 I also have writer two poetry books and had them published since I quit drugs 10 years ago so I do feel a sense of accomplishment but I don’t think my kids appreciate it but as long as I have God I’m good.

If Tomorrow Start Without Me, By Shirley McNair

If tomorrow starts without me and

I’m not there you see

If the sun should rise and fine your eyes are filled with tears for me

I wish you didn’t have to cry the way you did today

While thinking of the many things we didn’t get to say

I know how much you love me as much as I love you and

Each time you think of me I know you miss me too

But when tomorrow starts without me please try to understand

That an angel came and called my name and took me by the hand

He said my place is ready, in heaven far above and

That I’m have to leave behind all those I dearly love

As I turned to walk away

A tear fell from my eye

For all my life , I’d always thought I didn’t want to die

I had so much to live for so much left to do

It seemed almost impossible that I was leaving you

I thought of all the yesterdays the good ones and the bad

I thought of all the love we shared and all the fun we had

Knowing this in eternity will always make me glad

If I could relive yesterday, just even for a while

I’ll say good bye and kiss you, and maybe see you smile

Then I finally realized that this could never be

Because emptiness and memories will take the place of me

With the thoughts of worldly things

I might miss come tomorrow

I thought of you and when I did my heart was filled with sorrow

But when I walked through heavens’ gate, I felt so much at home

When God looked down and smiled at me from his great golden throne

He said ” this is eternity” and all I’ve promised you”

Today your life on earth is past, but here life starts anew

I promise no tomorrow but today will always last

Since everyday is the same way and there’s no longer no more past

You have been so faithful, so trusting, and true

Though there were times you did something you bknew you shouldn’t do

But you have been forgiven and now at last you’re free

So want you come and take my hand, and share my life with me

So when tomorrow starts without me, don’t think we’re far apart

For everytime you think of me

I’m right there in your heart.

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