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My brother, mom and me, a year before we lost her.

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Acceptance

By Jane
Posted on

I had the conversation with my parent.

My mom always told me that she wanted no heroics.
It was in writing and all her papers were in order. I handled all of her finances.

When it was evident she was suffering from the early stages of dementia, she agreed to move from Florida, move into a senior living community, and leave her longtime companion to be near me. She was 85.

A year or two later, one day out of the blue, mom said she wanted to be buried “here.” This alarmed me because why would she bring up such a thing. My initial reaction was, “You don’t want to be near daddy and nana (my mom’s mother)”, as there was a family plot. In her inimitable way she said, “They’re not going to know if I’m there or not! ” I said, “You’re not going anywhere anytime soon so we’ll talk more later.”

After one of her visits to Florida, her companion, who was like my step-dad, after all, they had been together nearly 26 years at the time, called to tell me that mom wanted to be buried where she now lives; she was uneasy talking to me about it after our initial conversation.

So, we had the conversation. I told her T and I had spoken and if this is what she wants then this is what it will be. I called up the funeral home in Florida where her funeral arrangements were pre-paid to explain the situation and her change of location. She received a refund and My husband made arrangements locally.

I again asked why she didn’t want to be next my dad and grandmother and she replied, “I want to be visited.” I promised her of course I would.

Fast forward to February 2012, when my dear mother passed away at 89 1/2. My mom was one of the smartest and most intuitive women I’ve met. I always said she was like Ivory Soap (which was advertised as 99 44/100% pure). My mom was pretty much 99 44/100% correct. And she was so right on this decision. I am still working through the grieving process and the fact that I can visit her anytime I want is a source of extreme comfort to me.

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