My husbands father initiated the conversation. He told us what he wanted, with his wife present (although she didn’t say much) & we followed through. One thing I would advise anyone is get it in writing. Have a family meeting to formalize the arrangements & when everyone agrees, sign & date it. This would be challenging but not doing it this way is seriously challenging. “After a death is no time for surprises. At the time of my Father-in-law’s death (since he had opted for cremation) time was of an essence so cremation was done very rapidly. Some people “need” to see the body. Arranging to hold a body for a viewing (ahead of the time of death) might relieve some of pressure, for those who want cremation. We didn’t note in the newspaper that cremation had taken place. The shocked expressions on people’s faces, when they walked into the chapel: told me we should have made that public. After a death, emotions are stirred & people may be responding emotionally to what is happening. Making arrangements while the parent is alive, & all the offspring being a part in, (if possible) agreeing to & being aware of the arrangements, could ease post-death drama/trauma. Ask the person/people you are choosing: to be your executors, if they will serve, (before you make out your will.) It might be wise to have a alternate choice for executor: someone who will serve if the executor is not able to serve (due to health or other issues.) Some people are seriously opposed to cremation. This should be discussed prior to making the decision to cremate/bury, & everyone should know what has been decided. Deaths are hard but with a little planning it might be easier on those left behind.

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