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The death of my only child

By Christina
Posted on

I had the conversation with my child.

To always let someone you know you love them now, not tomorrow when they may not be here any longer, to make the plans and have the conversation.

I am a divorced mom living over 900 miles away from my son who is in his last year of med school. He was hit by a car, had a massive head injury on a Sunday. I was not notified until Monday night by my ex husbands family that my son was in an accident, in the hospital but is ok. I flew all day to get there and arrived Tuesday evening. I went up to the CCU when hospital staff stopped me and quizzed me as to who I was. When I informed them they said his mom was here already. I had to clarify that it was my ex husband’s current wife of 2 years that was there and not me his actual mother and I have his birth certificate to prove it.

I was finally let in to see my son and horrified to see him hooked up to all kinds of machines, being told he was in an induced coma and a doctor stating his kidney looks great. For the next few days between ups and downs and speaking with his med student class mates I said I just want to know, one way or the other. The roller coaster ride is killing me. They spoke with a Dr. who took my ex husband and me aside to inform us there is nothing more they can do. We can either keep him alive on machines until his heart gives out or let him go. Since I had the conversation with my son when I had minor surgery and was afraid I may not come out of anesthesia the deciding factor was easy. He didn’t want to be kept alive this way. He skydived, he volunteered for everything, was a great friend and son. It was hard to let him go but I already knew his wishes. We also discussed donation, burial, cremation and it was burial for my son. I think I would have had an easier time if my ex husband hadn’t been a mitigating factor in some decisions. I made sure that all plans my son wanted were seen through to the end no matter what. I live in peace with that. My ex husband, I never want to ever know again for using him (my son) as a pawn. So with that I still ache. I will miss him everyday of my life, have had a difficult time with the grief process which makes it so easy to have “the conversation” with anyone. I speak openly and freely with my mother, sisters and brother about it and encourage them to do the same. To always let someone you know you love them now, not tomorrow when they may not be here any longer, to make the plans and have the conversation.

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