This is the (post story) to the October 12, 2012 entitled, “Ducks In a Row”
After writing that month in October, came mom’s hip surgery. As usual, she wasn’t that great a patient, and bucked many suggestions as to her post healing and therapy. The surgery was done by one of the top surgeons’ in his field and he was a doll. His work was a piece of art as I stared at the x-ray after surgery. By this point, he asked why mom wasn’t as active as he thought she should have been, and her answer was her usual rebuttle of, she’s going to do it HER way. At that point, there is no more that a doctor can do. They recognize the doer’s and the don’ts .
Mom was getting therapy at home, (only when SHE felt like it ) and even those sessions were cut short. I didn’t feel the therapy was comprehensive enough myself and a visit to her general practitioner revealed the same, as she wanted to know why mom wasn’t being more “pro-active” with a brand new hip !!! Also, mom had developed a hernia, near the site of her colon operation, to which the doctor said she could have it screened in or removed or live with it. Of course, that would be a NO from mom.
She tried to go back to bowling, her favorite pastime and lasted two weeks, due to her “hip killing her.” I tried to explain the muscles and ligaments were tight and needed to be stretched and that maybe some water therapy could help. She, not understanding the human body, came with a resounding, NO !! She was “fine” and would “get through it!”
She has a work of art NEW hip, came through the almost devastating colon , cancer free, ostomy free operation, and all of this has not humbled her or her thoughts, not even alittle bit !!!!
Again, my suggestions about her living arrangements, finances, trying to have “the conversation,” NULL AND VOID !! As I stated that I don’t live near her, it’s been nonetheless difficult to see her as often as I would like,as my life and my family’s has hit on difficult times.
I have taken to seeing a therapist, to sort out not only my own life, but life with mom as it is, and trying to work around the guilt that I just cannot get through to her, and trying to know and realize, it’s not my fault. Because, I know when the time comes, my mother is going to go out of life as she began, in a state institution, (she was raised in an orphanage) with her only daughter having “no legal power” to try and make her life now or at the end as comfortable as I possibly could.